Week 8: To Hold Nothing Back

Breathe in...

Hold it in for three seconds...

Breathe out...

In the moment of exhale, I have proclaimed that "I will not hesitate to be," Making reference to the day's passage in the The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo.   At 12:43 AM this morning, my friend through life asked if I read the passage for 23 February. I hadn't at that stage, naturally because I was fast asleep and happily, since the night before I did not have much of it. 

I am touched by this passage in a book that initially, I wrote off as too preachy and didn't want much to do with.  Here's the quote that stuck out the most:

 "I have discovered, again and again, that I usually know what I need to do but just deny it, and it is this small hesitation, this small resistance to enter what is real, that makes life feel neutral or out of reach."

The emotions involved directly relate to the previous blog post-- Press Esc Key on this Endless Loop, reminding me of the movie Groundhog's Day. And so I blink my eyes, and the days accelerate --- and pass me by as the clouds in the sky, the reality is that its the same day repeating itself... over and over...and over again.

It is not enough to simply manage daily life-- but rather take full action and implement all that you want to see. Today. Not tomorrow or the day after. I definitely live in denial.   I SAID IT!  I was going through some very important paperwork recently, that I received in August.  Stunned, I muttered to myself that it was a shame, that I was just now beginning to deal with it.  Seven months?  Talk about avoidance---and I refuse to go into further details about the other areas that exist on this list. One of my favorite people has a personal mantra to "live life." Simply put, but powerful and we've become great friends because of it.

"To be or not to be, that is the question." --- Obviously.

I am a 28 year old woman with a lot of goals and many desires and no real plan of action... There's a plan... but its not in the stages of implementation.  Its as if I am sitting here waiting for life to happen--and all that happens is a disappearing act.  Did somebody call Houdini? Maybe I need to call Terry McMillan over for some chocolate martinis so we can chat about what comes next.  She won't be able to write it, but I will-- perhaps I will stop making lists, because they are growing more ineffective by the day. I'm so busy waiting to exhale that my face has changed to the hue of blue.  Today, I've come up for air and have been inspired to hold nothing back as "it is the invisible hitch that keeps me from joy."

Thanks to the person who shared this book with me. :)