Week 4: Press Esc Key on this Endless Loop

November 30, 2010 was an interesting day... at least for me. It was a day of remembrance for my beloved grandmother on her birthday, it was the day I received a raise... and it was the day that I was supposed to decline the renewal of my contract.  A day I had hoped would not pass the way it did.

 In the early part of 2010, a friend announced her engagement and subsequently moved to the other side of the world. By this time I had already been planning my escape, applying to jobs, even participated in a few interviews, made it to the second round and declined one. Thinking of the exciting adventure that was to come in November, I realized  --the date of the wedding was just two weeks shy of my prospective last day in the office.  The closer it came, the more terrified I grew at the thought of renewing---it was against every fiber of my being...but I did and I suppose the monetary compensation softened the blow.  Afterall, these are the downfalls of adulthood...right? The responsibility of bills and whatever else have you---  Here we are a month and a half later and of course every day I am thankful to have a job---so really I should shut my mouth--but--- I won't because I want something new ---and that is not a newsflash to anyone.

In June, I completed a Master's Degree---and similarly to when I finished my Bachelor's, I was sitting on top of the world---by September, I received an email from a good friend of mine---supporting my emphatic proclamation to leave in November and to stick to my guns by securing a new position. Here is an excerpt of what he had to say:  

"To renew your contract would be a complete contradiction of everything you have been saying and working for, for the last 2 years.  To renew your contract would be selling yourself short and admitting defeat.  To renew your contract would be taking the easy way out, which while it would offer very short term benefits of stability, would wreak havoc on your long term bottom line.  Think long term vision, not short term stability or fear of loss."

Here we are... 

On my way to the cafeteria for some coffee--- I bumped into a colleague who moved to the Thailand Country Office---In his warm greeting he exclaimed: "Andrea... you're still around!" -----Sigh----- I'm still here.  I wish to point out for those who may not know me so well---that I'm no hater and I genuinely support my friends, their endeavors and the process of watching them attain dreams.  I used to say that my life happened in two year rotations---and while to some degree it is true--- Let's talk about this last two years.  Yes- I finished a Master's degree. I've also been long term house sitting for a long time friend who pressed the esc key in early 2009 and ventured into the Peace Corps to escape her endless loop... and after two years she will return in 36 days---exciting!!.. Another colleague, just shy of one year ago--went to a hardship duty location and has since returned.  Its wonderful to hear all of the stories my friends have to share---but I can't help but feel like I've been wasting time--and of course this isn't true.  So what am I doing?  I've mapped out in my calendar short term goals to measure progress and stay focused---because I've so duly noted the speed at which time flies...so for now I'm still here with no plot to leave with gusto but to methodically take a step forward in the proper direction. I do believe that making the correct decision is more important than a spontaneous decision for the escape. 

The daughter of my mother's friend has so graciously taken me under her wing as my mentor--sharing with me events to network and opportunities to be a part of varied organizations--even sent my resume to the head of Human Resources at a powerful international organization and an Ambassador overseas.  She's worked under the Clinton Administration and currently does private fundraising--and needless to say she is well connected. I am absolutely impressed with her and she's gorgeous to boot.  She's professed that I am not doing enough to market myself and she's right. Even in casual conversation I have observed that I downplay my skill-sets and what I do for a living because I try not to sound like I'm full of myself. That's wrong though... I do have a lot to offer and need to embrace it. So--that's what I'll be doing in the short term--marketing myself. Soon enough, I will press the esc key and escape this endless loop.