2009- Year in Review

Its over... the after math begins. As I knew that 2009 would be one of the hardest years, such as Haiti - I am faced with the process of picking up the pieces. No matter what, I am truly thankful for every last experience that I have incurred.

I flipped my world upside down. I flew the coup in the early part of the year to bust out of my house and to help a friend. While it has been quite the roller coaster it has truly been an experience. From meeting new people, to experiencing the technical difficulties of apartment living, to even just delegating my own time according to how I feel. FREEDOM!

The beautiful relationship--most were so in love with also came to an end. A long...tumultuous end. While we had one great year, we had one really bad year and it was too damaged to continue. As I try to gather myself, I can't help but to think about some of the things that I could've done better...some of the things that I wanted him to do better...and how unfair that can be at times. At this stage, it no longer matters. He has been my best friend through and through. So doesn't it seem really off the wagon that our relationship has hit the wall? I take full responsibility for the personal issues that I have been dealing with...and trust they are plentiful... He has been my rock on so many levels, exploring creative ways to help me get to next steps, learning who I am and how I function- only to share the methodology of how to continue doing it x way. (If you're reading, I almost bought a yellow wallet today--- this was recommended in the book you shared :) )

The truth is I love you whole heartedly... I wish I didn't feel the need to push everybody away when I need to heal my sorrows... when I need to motivate and take control of my life. It is actually because I have trouble keeping my eyes on the prize. Those in my circle know what the prize is... and have encouraged me the whole way through to get where I want to be. They all have the utmost faith in me- yet they're the people that I have to flee from, just so I can figure it out on my own.

I am sorry that things did not work out the way we wanted them to. I truly am, you are so special and I thank you entirely for the way you have given yourself to me. I sit here tearfully and wished I could have everything... according to you and according to me. Our thought process is so different...not to mention, I'm exhausted at the end of the day from battling the many demons that continue to enter my path. The biggest one at the forefront- which is no easy feat. Thanks for putting up with me.

Over the course of the last year, I have had to admit a lot of things to myself, that most never want to own up to. I am proud of myself for facing up to them, but damn...does it hurt. Coming to terms with yourself and understanding how you affect others or even moreso--how your own actions affect your life is difficult.

In the year 2009, I broke the foundation for what were some very bad habits that I developed and through the process I acquired many amazing skills. YES.