Blessings amongst the clutter.

During my traveling years of self exploration, a friend of mine once shared the following quote: "Never own more than you can carry." I admired her for her minimalist personality and her ability to be disconnected to material items. Years before she shared with me this special quote, I was reading a book by Iyanla Vanzant entitled: Faith in the Valley: Lessons for Women on their journey to peace and there was a specific passage that really stood out in my mind which mentioned that blessings could be hidden in the most discreet locations- In the top of the closet, in the basement, under the sink in the bathroom. When your life and affairs are in order -- you can travel the road less burdened. I've found that she was right.

I have this tendency in my life to flow like the wind-moving from one place to the next in a two year rotation. I am learning that my high school years were extremely critical to my development. It was certainly a transition for me from child to teen to adult. Aside from the actual physical encounters and emotional affects, about seven years ago my grandmother on my mom's side came to live with us in Long Island as she was getting older and unfortunately not able to take care of herself as independently as she used to. On moving day, I was finally granted permission to move into my older sister's former room which was the garage. That was a challenge all by itself--- I think that she is guilty of the same thing as me. I cleaned out her room and took my time to organize and chronicle her life. All she had to do was give me the ok to throw certain items away. In moving into her former space and taking the time to make it my own, I completely left my old life behind. Completely. In 2005, my grandmother died and the room was pristined for a little bit of time, and admittedly became the family storage unit. Noone had the heart to alter the room, since it still had her fragrance in addition to the setup of her nightly routine with her clothes neatly laid out. The sight of this room plagued us all, and the convenience of having a dumping ground was certainly helpful. Upon reflecting on the passage from Iyanla Vanzant recently, I felt compelled to take that responsibility of cleaning out the obscene battle ground the room had become. For a month, I prepared myself for this occasion. I gave forewarning to all parties involved and incorporated through my Christmas shopping helpful boxes which have been used to sort certain items.

The benefit of overhauling this room at my mother's house was not only to satisfy organizational purposes--but in my own selfish reasoning to explore a life I once knew. My grandmother was living in my old room, since noone thought that it would be her permanent location- it was untouched and filled with my entire childhood. Every last little tidbit that was left behind. I do honestly feel guilty for having my grandmother live in this type of lifestyle, but it was better to have a filled room, than an empty room and she was always so loving and accepting.

Cleaning this room has proven therapeutic for me... I actually think I've been depressed my entire life.