Party Girl

Everytime I've heard a woman referred to as "party girl," along with it came a negative association..at least in my head. I know that I've never wanted to be called a party girl and further-- I have even heard of the demise of ten year long relationships because the significant was...a "party girl."In my encounters with recruiting people to live in Cafe 62, friendly referrals have even gone so far as to include this label. (Andrea: "Well...what's she like?" Friend: "You know, a party girl..." )

Well...what is a party girl?

The Wiktionary defines a party girl as...and I quote: "A woman, especially one who is young, who is known for her enthusiastic and frequent attendance of parties; a female party animal; a prostitute." (en.wiktionary.org/wiki/party_girl) Based on this alone, I'd say that party girl is not something I care to associate with. Another dictionary states a party girl to be: "an attractive young woman hired to attend parties and entertain men." (wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn)

Prior to the beginning of this text, I never thought the definition would be so outlandish given the frequency at which this label is used. I suppose it is the more polite way of telling your wife that your party will include a bunch of "party girls," rather than a bunch of... hookers!?? Seriously, how did this term come about and why do people choose to throw it around so easily? Perhaps, lack of knowledge for what it means to be labeled as a party girl.

Outside of the given definitions, the first thing that runs through my mind when I hear party girl is... a woman not to be taken seriously. Is that what you think of me? It was actually a bit degrading to be referred to as such and it struck a nerve. (Clearly as I'm writing this...) Where did that come from and why?...Earlier this evening, after working late... I went out to dinner with two of my girlfriends to help one of them pass the time before having to meet with her son to go home. A counterpart shared with me his chain of events for the evening and his productivity, proud of course at his accomplishments and rightfully, so. Afterall, he went shopping, jogging, read a book, cooked and ate dinner while watching a tv show (multi-tasking at it's best...) and all before the ripe hour of 9:30PM. Unfortunately as I did not share the same chain of events---and after sending a few smiley faced text messages... it was assumed that I was drunk and subsequently was referred to as a party girl. Why the reference? I realize this may be a sensitive reaction to this exchange of words, but if I know this person well enough, it was meant to be a critical stab at my ego. I've never been called a party girl at least not to my knowledge, nor would it ever be appropriate as I do not attend social gatherings to entertain a man and certainly not on a Monday night. I spend most of my Friday nights in my apartment and my Saturday's at mom and dad's house. Please don't label me as such darling, you may not agree with Monday night dinners with friends, but rest assured I'm no party girl.

I love myself and there is no one else in this world that could possibly love me more than me. Me, myself and I are in a committed relationship. Outsiders bring cheap pickup lines and do just enough to want to stick around me... but real recognizes real.

Old Friend.

If you could have bumped me from my life and taken my seat I am sure that you would have. In fact, I think your love for me stems from your fascination with my family, the tight knit bond that keeps us together.

You and I have never actually really ever been two peas in a pod, as I reflect. What is frustrating is this cycle of friends in my life that seek to compete. It is not a competition to me. I actually want you in my life. Perhaps, though it is that personal strife prevents me from devoting the entire self to you… or me… and that’s apparently not good enough.
What do you want from me? I’ve had it, I’m through. You want me to be there for you--- I’ve been there, I’ve jumped through hoops… I’m trying. I understand why I don’t get the gold star—because I didn’t produce leaps and bounds such as the other. God Bless that truly amazing creature.

My ship is ready to sail away from this constant whirlpool of vanity. Of you, never being genuinely happy for me… Of you, never having something nice to say to me, to be able to congratulate me without yourself in the very same sentence. Your inability to talk about your desires to be a part of my life---and my suffering through your interrogation of why I am not more present in yours. Also, it would appear to me that everyone in your life has some kind of vendetta with me, seeing as I haven’t been around- But they all seem to forget, I have my own life and the standard you set for me to be in yours… is not what you put forth. How can friends thrive in this unhealthy environment?

They can not, which is why although I love you… I think the cracking foundation of our friendship must be laid to rest.

No hard feelings, I will soon bid adieu--- You’re just re-classified as an old friend. I still love you.

Lessons Learned: A passage written about what I've learned through my journey over the course of the last two years

I am a new woman…understanding now moreso than ever, the infamous statement by more seasoned women throughout life…”if only I knew then…what I know now.” At twenty-seven years of age, I am blessed to know as much as I do. Some can argue, and I might also, that knowing more about the world, life and society is not always the most life enhancing. At the same time, it is extremely.

In developing, the more I have come to know has taken away from the overwhelming feeling of certain emotions… submitting to Darwin’s theory- of survival of the fittest –growing to be numb is the way most people learn how to survive. The ethical ramifications as it pertains to life is…just how healthy can this be? Regardless of health issues- I did it. I’m doing it everyday. I am three weeks from completing a Master’s Degree in Urban Affairs. Touche, your remark…is “so what…” or… “congratulations…but lots of people do that all the time.” The growth has come as a result of more recent experiences not specifically from obtaining a credential.

So what exactly are the lessons learned? (A special thank you to all of my amazing friends – you have been my life coaches – you all deserve a gold star – I really appreciate you)

1. I define me: If I can help it, I will never in this life allow anyone to make me feel as if I have less to offer than what I know about who I AM…and what I can do. I will not be defined by the title held within any organization or company or even life role. I shall not succumb to your opinion of me. Screw you. Manipulators… be aware– you have a lot of growing to do- Good luck.

2. The importance of boundaries: The true testament of self-discipline stems from the ability to create an organized agenda and stick to it. External factors will always persist. It is important to understand that those who you love and those that love you will be supportive, even when stating: no, I am not available. At the time, it may not be appreciated, but in the end– fear can not rule this decision. The only person responsible for finishing what is necessary is me. If boundaries are set, those that love you will still remain at your side.

3. Self trust: Guilty as charged. Lacking faith in personal decisions is most detrimental to happiness. Accountability for actions is dependent upon me. I am fortunate to have many beautiful people in my life, offering support and guidance, some by request and others voluntarily. Some of it GREAT… and reflecting, some of it pretty awful. The only one that knows the outcome is God, but the only one required to live it is Andrea. Thanks mom for consistently being diplomatic in your approach when discussing life and all it has to offer. You have given me untouchable skills to think through events and challenges and see light at the end of a dark and narrow tunnel. Also, you have encouraged me to tap into my heart and to ‘trust my gut.’ For this (and of course for life and everything else about you), I am grateful.

4. Best Friends: “When God brings you to it, he will bring you through it…” but sometimes, so will great friends. I always thought I was a loner. I’ve learned that when it comes to friendship, the amount of time you’ve known someone certainly can not be the foundation for granting this privilege. I love those that have my best interest at heart, even if it means I get six to ten calls/text messages a day (when I’m trying to study) just to see how I am doing –more specifically when I have to shut the phone off and don’t return your messages, it wasn’t taken as a personal attack. A good friend of mine stated: “That friendship will not always be equal…” but what is important is presence when the time comes. This two year rotation of my life did not fly by— at all. Thank you. THANK YOU. Thank you. I love each and everyone of you for your positive thoughts and encouragement and for your love and support.

5. Love: It doesn’t wait. It just comes knocking when you least expect it and further when you really don’t have time to deal with it. Ambitious women seemed to be faced with this decision at least once. I knew this already, but something has got to give for all the people of this world that long to be loved. Occupy your time and forget about it, I promise you it will show up inconveniently. My very best friend has also been the love of my life. A lot of growth has come from his presence, guidance and support.

6. Self-Destruction: Alcohol, cigarettes and other contraband (NO DRUGS OF COURSE) do not serve as beneficial in the end. I’m still trying to figure what my positive vice will be to assist through rough patches. I worked really hard to achieve certain goals. I am overwhelmed and a little angry with myself for splashing gasoline on my efforts and even moreso for lighting the match. Like Dori says in finding Nemo: “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.” Having submerged a thousand leagues under the sea, once, twice, three times… four? Each time I am thankful to surface and breathe, this time however, I can reflect and say…”WHAT THE HELL?” I make my life more difficult then it needs to be… and it just isn’t worth it.

7. K.I.S.S. (Keep it simple stupid): Applying the fundamentals of Earth Science and applicable on so many levels, I am guilty of avoiding certain tasks or responsibilities whether it be something to complete or just for Andrea.

Mr. Thomas a.k.a Dad told me a while ago, that I am my own worst enemy… subtly he has also shared that– conforming to social standards is unnecessary and life is all about happiness…make it happen. Well, that’s what I’m gonna do. Not that I have EVER lived life according to the rules, and yes… I do pride myself in that, I’ve learned that I am so tired of living for what I think is the right thing to do versus what I actually want to do. Hey, this falls into the category of self-trust… but really the goal here is to trust that I can succeed in life by doing what makes me happy and setting the priority of developing a core– and then radiating through life from it.

8. Positive women: Thanks be to God for the positive women of my life. These women have loved me enough to say on some level… Andrea… “you got it going on…” I have learned so much from you. That’s not to be taken for granted. It wasn’t until recently that I learned just how many women do not even have this in their lives. Overwhelmingly it brings me to tears to know that I am blessed with so many. Thank you. I love you.

These are but a few of the many lessons I have learned on my continued journey…

2009- Year in Review

Its over... the after math begins. As I knew that 2009 would be one of the hardest years, such as Haiti - I am faced with the process of picking up the pieces. No matter what, I am truly thankful for every last experience that I have incurred.

I flipped my world upside down. I flew the coup in the early part of the year to bust out of my house and to help a friend. While it has been quite the roller coaster it has truly been an experience. From meeting new people, to experiencing the technical difficulties of apartment living, to even just delegating my own time according to how I feel. FREEDOM!

The beautiful relationship--most were so in love with also came to an end. A long...tumultuous end. While we had one great year, we had one really bad year and it was too damaged to continue. As I try to gather myself, I can't help but to think about some of the things that I could've done better...some of the things that I wanted him to do better...and how unfair that can be at times. At this stage, it no longer matters. He has been my best friend through and through. So doesn't it seem really off the wagon that our relationship has hit the wall? I take full responsibility for the personal issues that I have been dealing with...and trust they are plentiful... He has been my rock on so many levels, exploring creative ways to help me get to next steps, learning who I am and how I function- only to share the methodology of how to continue doing it x way. (If you're reading, I almost bought a yellow wallet today--- this was recommended in the book you shared :) )

The truth is I love you whole heartedly... I wish I didn't feel the need to push everybody away when I need to heal my sorrows... when I need to motivate and take control of my life. It is actually because I have trouble keeping my eyes on the prize. Those in my circle know what the prize is... and have encouraged me the whole way through to get where I want to be. They all have the utmost faith in me- yet they're the people that I have to flee from, just so I can figure it out on my own.

I am sorry that things did not work out the way we wanted them to. I truly am, you are so special and I thank you entirely for the way you have given yourself to me. I sit here tearfully and wished I could have everything... according to you and according to me. Our thought process is so different...not to mention, I'm exhausted at the end of the day from battling the many demons that continue to enter my path. The biggest one at the forefront- which is no easy feat. Thanks for putting up with me.

Over the course of the last year, I have had to admit a lot of things to myself, that most never want to own up to. I am proud of myself for facing up to them, but damn...does it hurt. Coming to terms with yourself and understanding how you affect others or even moreso--how your own actions affect your life is difficult.

In the year 2009, I broke the foundation for what were some very bad habits that I developed and through the process I acquired many amazing skills. YES.