Like Nike.....

Like Nike... Just do it. As I've recently found out from a UN survey based on the Myers Briggs Type Indicator Test, I am a "process oriented" person. Which basically means instead of being able to do tasks and focusing on doing tasks and ensuring that tasks get done, I spend one million years trying to figure out the best strategic method to do it OR- take my sweet precious time suffering through the anxiety of having to do it. This is probably one of the biggest struggles for me- add that with attention deficit disorder- and you have a seemingly lazyyyyy person. It really is a hardship... I wonder if I can collect disability. Tee hee, in my dreams!!!!

Let's talk about my 'process' of applying to graduate school. From the day I started, what was then my new job two years ago- I was gung ho about obtaining a Master's in Public Health-- THEN- I changed it to Sustainable Development, Conflict Theory, International Relations, International Political Economy and Development, Public Administration and I think (Yes I think...) I'm going to change it again-to what, I am not entirely sure. This has been plaguing me for centuries.. ok I'm not that old, but for a really long time. It's been two years since my endeavor to start graduate school has begun-and here we are yet again. I truely believe that since I graduated college...I spend my life living in my head. Although funny and interesting-the realm that is Andrea-doesn't actually convert into the real world. Sad but true.

My father and I were chatting the other day and he stated with vengeance-" I don't know why my daughters think that life is sooo much bigger than it is- just do it!" Then he went on to talk about an assortment of other agenda items about love, marriage, age appropriateness and such. Which got me thinking.... (YES THINKING again...) What am I really doing here? The dangerous part starts here...Admittedly- I have a drinking problem, I am not an alcoholic or anything as I do not depend on alcohol to conduct my daily life-but, I have a problem. I'd rather go to the bar than go to the gym, I'd rather go the bar than study and I can rack up $400 in two months on treating myself and others to a good time. Here and there is no big deal-but I basically (excuse the vulgarity) piss my money, time and life away. Don't dare ask me to stop- or tell me I have a problem- then it is "OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!!!!" Honestly- I'd have to say through my drunken realm of exploration I do learn a lot about myself.. Anyhow-this isn't a blog about alcoholism- this is my rant on life. Believe it or not- I am actually productive- but not hardly as productive as I want to be or even have the potential to be.

Here's the deal, I can't understand where the time goes? For example, I LOVE to travel-but I haven't been anywhere seriously in a year and a half- WHAT?! Like that used to be my hobby-and all of a sudden- POOF- it's gone. Boy-that $400 woulda been a nice trip to Costa Rica or even Mexico or a little something something toward a trip to Tokyo, Brazil, Italy, Morrocco, or ZIMBABWE! Instead I'll be paying off my credit card bill- with added interest for God knows how long. The good thing though-is I have a nice little cruise coming up for some R & R- but really doesn't compare to my former life as AET- The World Wanderer.

In Addition, it seems I do the opposite of what I say I want to do- Or what I really intended to do- like shopping for a computer I wanted a macbook-that was too expensive and it didn't meet my daily needs-so I went to Best Buy to make my investment on a less expensive laptop. Of course I didn't actually buy a laptop! I bought a desktop which cost $100 less than the macbook. Go figure. Although a fabulous investment... completely left wing from what I said I wanted to do.

So here we are- Applying to graduate school- and even though my passion is writing and I hope to one day be a famous author and not to mention millionaire... I somehow thought I wanted to go to school for Public Administration... hmm.. does that not seem off to you? If you want to be a writer-shouldn't you go to school for writing? Or did I somehow just think that in the midst of all the life craziness that I was going to be able to continue with my hobby (which hasn't worked thus far...) Don't get me wrong, I have enrolled in a certificate program for Public Administration to get a feel-and I do like it...but when I think (YES AGAIN!) about two years from now when I'm done, I couldn't care LESS about searching for a job in Public Administration- I love helping people and providing a service-but for all the angry people and bureaucratic measures that I have to deal with- I'd rather spend my time kicking a rock or two or three...

Anyhow, while I'm busy cleaning my desk, picking my nose, brushing my hair and taking the lent off my shirt before I click submit for a master's program- (process) It'd be nice to gain some insight. I hope you are able to share some of your thoughts (to spare me from torturing myself) on how to conquer my inability to stop thinking and start doing....