Thus the countdown has begun, a matter of days before my blessed born day. My one day out of the year where its ALL about me. I get to dwell in my head-and reflect where I've been and seek where I'm going....a chance to make wishes and blow out birthday candles- a chance to turn over a new leaf as the new year commences... how symbolic. The new year begins as the clock strikes 12:00 with the close of my birthday. While everyone starts the new year with a new age-me and the year change together...what could this possibly mean? Who knows... but for me this year is a little different- I've spent every year counting down the days like a little child anxiously awaiting christmas morning-----I know the feeling- I wake up beaming from within... as my mother greets me and says... "It was me and you kid... 20-something years ago...yep...it was me and you." My family takes good care of me on my special day-but I can't help but feel a little stuck when it comes to my friends. And so we have it.... My birthday has got to be one of the toughest days of the year, New Year's Eve. As a little girl, I would thrive on the fact that the world celebrated my special day- in INCREMENTS from Australia to Bali to The United States and Zimbabwe. Whatever the method- its the perfect time to shake off plagues-and proclaim to thyself... "OUT WITH THE OLD AND IN WITH THE NEW." I'm thinking these days as I hope to pick up the phone and give a shout to my friends... I feel the pool is quite sparse-I've scolded old friends for not keeping touch-in which case I was told off--and I'm still a little shocked about, I've been told that I wasn't there when a friend needed me at her most vulnerable time-when I had absolutely no clue she was going through anything at all. In fact I was floored at the items on her agenda she had to share-she never told me at least not when I called to ask how she was doing...One day she just stopped returning my calls...stopped answering my messages-and to my dismay... she called me by accident and spilled her guts. Needless to say things haven't been the same. Thus the countdown has begun, a matter of days before my blessed born day...and I don't even know who to call. (Not to say she is my only friend)
Last year, I threw myself a BIRTHDAY EXTRAVAGANZA at the Jasmine Gallery- a trendy loft off Broadway and 18th. It was the 25th year so I figured, if anyone is going to make a big deal- it should be me.... I decided the best time to have it was on 30 December to ensure that everyone would show up, this simply due in part by the fact that I take into consideration all the aspects of what people do on New Year's Eve but this time...not so much. I kinda lack interest in catering to the need of the other on MY DAY- especially when I was there...I WAS THERE...holding the hair of some of my friends and coaching them as they tongue kissed the porcelain God.
In my lifetime I've rec
eived a plethora of "sorry girl its snowing," I've even heard.. "I have to see what else is going on that night..." and of course as always I understand the ones that say-"I have to go to church," or "I will be with family." For this I can not be upset-nope... still can't be upset for the-"I'll be out of town." I am fed up. I admit... it is hard for anyone to knock me off of my High Horse on Queen Andrea's day-but I guess... in my scramble to help my super sweet and amazingly thoughtful boyfriend put something together for the big day three weeks from now- I can't even create a guest list... like I can't even begin to think of who to call... he actually developed a list and put the names on the table... SHEEZ....I know that I can put a list together-no problem and have a nice little sum of people on like January 5th or even 30 December-but when... just when will I actually have a birthday where its me...and MY FRIENDS....in Manhattan at a swanky upscale event that isn't $125 dollars to get in....and furthermore...celebrating my birthday first.... MY day-and THEN the new year. Its few and far between....In fact on my 21st birthday some friends of mine were throwing me a little joint collaboration New Year/birthday party for me which was ultra sweet-but it was in New Rochelle, and my mother said I couldn't go...not to mention my car was in bad shape... she then sent me out with my sister and her friends. So-I got in the car- crying on my 21st birthday-on my way to the city-on my way to having the time of my life with my sister and her friends on my 21st birthday-oh and did I mention... I was the most sober one that night? Following up after the other 6 girls that were drunkenly roaming NYC as oblivious "out of towners..." Another set of friends has done the same joint collabo type deal-so as not to seem ungrateful-because I TRULY am thankful, here's my little shoutout-I appreciate you-that really made me feel good.
eived a plethora of "sorry girl its snowing," I've even heard.. "I have to see what else is going on that night..." and of course as always I understand the ones that say-"I have to go to church," or "I will be with family." For this I can not be upset-nope... still can't be upset for the-"I'll be out of town." I am fed up. I admit... it is hard for anyone to knock me off of my High Horse on Queen Andrea's day-but I guess... in my scramble to help my super sweet and amazingly thoughtful boyfriend put something together for the big day three weeks from now- I can't even create a guest list... like I can't even begin to think of who to call... he actually developed a list and put the names on the table... SHEEZ....I know that I can put a list together-no problem and have a nice little sum of people on like January 5th or even 30 December-but when... just when will I actually have a birthday where its me...and MY FRIENDS....in Manhattan at a swanky upscale event that isn't $125 dollars to get in....and furthermore...celebrating my birthday first.... MY day-and THEN the new year. Its few and far between....In fact on my 21st birthday some friends of mine were throwing me a little joint collaboration New Year/birthday party for me which was ultra sweet-but it was in New Rochelle, and my mother said I couldn't go...not to mention my car was in bad shape... she then sent me out with my sister and her friends. So-I got in the car- crying on my 21st birthday-on my way to the city-on my way to having the time of my life with my sister and her friends on my 21st birthday-oh and did I mention... I was the most sober one that night? Following up after the other 6 girls that were drunkenly roaming NYC as oblivious "out of towners..." Another set of friends has done the same joint collabo type deal-so as not to seem ungrateful-because I TRULY am thankful, here's my little shoutout-I appreciate you-that really made me feel good. 
Ok-Now that QUEENZILLA has expressed her little emotional rant about her bday wishes.... What I really want to know is where does the time go that I can't seem to maintain a healthy relationship with all of the people that I love and care about?...vise versa? I realize I am not the bad guy-but I am just as responsible as the other party... I mean.. have we grown a part? Have I changed? Do I front like my shit don't stink? The main reason for questioning is... who could I really depend on to give me their New Year-and be happy about it...? (Aside from family and my loving boyfriend) Yes, I'm blessed to have these folks in my life-but what I question is... If I'm there on your day- wouldn't you be there on mine? Don't be fooled by this blog-it's bigger than this... my friends-where are you? Let's do lunch... Let's have girl's night out... (No offense to my guy friends :) We can go chill at the bar) really though...What's up?
1 comment:
im coming for your next bday, -09 that is:)
lets throw a big party!
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