Week 14: Faith in the Valley

I worked my first and only retail job after completing my bachelor's degree--- I worked for L'Occitane a French bath and body company that had appealed to me since high school.  I decided that if I were going to be successful in life that I was going to have to make myself uncomfortable in order to set the proper tone for the job I really wanted, so I worked at Roosevelt Field Mall.  I turned down a job as a Case Worker in the Bronx, because I knew that everyday I would drive home back to the suburbs of Long Island torn apart from the brokenness I would have encountered every day. One of the policies of the job was that after dark, we were prohibited in certain locations and to be honest, I wasn't entirely sure I wanted a job like that.  I've always been a people person and genuinely enjoy helping others... but realized that your first job out of college may set the tone for the rest of your life-- so I aimed high, stating that I wanted to work for an international organization and desired to make nothing less than x amount of dollars--because why start low?? I'm worth it. Mission accomplished... I have been with this organization for about five years and from previous blogs you may have gathered that I leave work every day feeling unfulfilled because I would've liked to believe that I have outgrown this position and further I have a lot to offer and my strengths and qualities don't apply... clearly it ain't over till the fat lady sings--I'm still there.


For the last three years, during the Lenten time period of reflection, I've
chosen to detox... and this cycle, unlike the rest is different, because I finally own my time. I am finished with graduate school, so hours of homework with deadlines are behind me... class schedules no longer fit into my weekly routine...and past relationships? Well, I'm single.  Due to funding restraints I have decided to visit Long Island, once every other week... which stinks because I love my family and love spending time with them.  Truthfully in this new found time and freedom-- I've given myself the opportunity to actually participate in my life.  I have been ignoring it ---with bills brushed into a basket and unopened letters with important information. Really? I thought at one point I was stuck in a rut, but really... rather than living my life... my life was living me and wearing me out.  It feels good to finally give it the attention it deserves.  During dark times, I would spend my mornings getting ready for work listening to India Arie, my favorite lyricist-- in one of the many songs that I listened to repeatedly was Back to the Middle where she emphasized that when you fall down don't make anything of it because when you are in that valley you can see both sides more clearly... the rut was actually the opportunity to analyze and re-group...but a stagnant period doesn't just go away since no matter what distraction comes to the forefront to take your mind off of personal responsibilities--when the short lived euphoria wears off your problems are still right there where you began.  So solve them... and come back to the middle.

As far as valleys go, Iyanla Vanzant, a spiritual teacher and author of Faith in the Valley: Lessons for Women on the Journey to Peace, wrote something to the effect that: "When your life and affairs are in order you can accept the blessings stored in the hidden places." This isn't a direct quote-- I read the book six years ago...but it has stayed with me this long, therefore there must be some truth to it.  In my clear state I have done just that.  The small step in bringing my life and affairs in order is actually a huge movement on my behalf. I am pulling out every piece of paper that I have and going through it and re-claiming my life. "You can't find a clear head in the midst of chaos..." I come home every day immediately after work and cook dinner... I drink morning coffee before I go to work and spend less than $5.00 on lunch every day, I go to bed at a decent hour every night and drink a lot of tea to soothe my soul...and lots more water too.  I feel good and I'm not bored, but it is a little hard.

As I aim to conquer this chapter and move on to the next, I have more talks with myself and admit that my plans have changed and furthermore that its okay... inspired by a friend's blog.   I am thankful for the lessons learned and embrace them wholeheartedly.  I give life more value today than ever before--- it is only now after being smacked in the face by the rapid speed at which time flies that I can understand that if I don't step up and be present... my gift will be snatched away without notice...and there will be no way to retrieve it.