Friendship...life...passion and the pursuit of happiness.....

Thus the countdown has begun, a matter of days before my blessed born day. My one day out of the year where its ALL about me. I get to dwell in my head-and reflect where I've been and seek where I'm going....a chance to make wishes and blow out birthday candles- a chance to turn over a new leaf as the new year commences... how symbolic. The new year begins as the clock strikes 12:00 with the close of my birthday. While everyone starts the new year with a new age-me and the year change together...what could this possibly mean? Who knows... but for me this year is a little different- I've spent every year counting down the days like a little child anxiously awaiting christmas morning-----I know the feeling- I wake up beaming from within... as my mother greets me and says... "It was me and you kid... 20-something years ago...yep...it was me and you." My family takes good care of me on my special day-but I can't help but feel a little stuck when it comes to my friends. And so we have it.... My birthday has got to be one of the toughest days of the year, New Year's Eve. As a little girl, I would thrive on the fact that the world celebrated my special day- in INCREMENTS from Australia to Bali to The United States and Zimbabwe. Whatever the method- its the perfect time to shake off plagues-and proclaim to thyself... "OUT WITH THE OLD AND IN WITH THE NEW." I'm thinking these days as I hope to pick up the phone and give a shout to my friends... I feel the pool is quite sparse-I've scolded old friends for not keeping touch-in which case I was told off--and I'm still a little shocked about, I've been told that I wasn't there when a friend needed me at her most vulnerable time-when I had absolutely no clue she was going through anything at all. In fact I was floored at the items on her agenda she had to share-she never told me at least not when I called to ask how she was doing...One day she just stopped returning my calls...stopped answering my messages-and to my dismay... she called me by accident and spilled her guts. Needless to say things haven't been the same. Thus the countdown has begun, a matter of days before my blessed born day...and I don't even know who to call. (Not to say she is my only friend)

Last year, I threw myself a BIRTHDAY EXTRAVAGANZA at the Jasmine Gallery- a trendy loft off Broadway and 18th. It was the 25th year so I figured, if anyone is going to make a big deal- it should be me.... I decided the best time to have it was on 30 December to ensure that everyone would show up, this simply due in part by the fact that I take into consideration all the aspects of what people do on New Year's Eve but this time...not so much. I kinda lack interest in catering to the need of the other on MY DAY- especially when I was there...I WAS THERE...holding the hair of some of my friends and coaching them as they tongue kissed the porcelain God.

In my lifetime I've received a plethora of "sorry girl its snowing," I've even heard.. "I have to see what else is going on that night..." and of course as always I understand the ones that say-"I have to go to church," or "I will be with family." For this I can not be upset-nope... still can't be upset for the-"I'll be out of town." I am fed up. I admit... it is hard for anyone to knock me off of my High Horse on Queen Andrea's day-but I guess... in my scramble to help my super sweet and amazingly thoughtful boyfriend put something together for the big day three weeks from now- I can't even create a guest list... like I can't even begin to think of who to call... he actually developed a list and put the names on the table... SHEEZ....I know that I can put a list together-no problem and have a nice little sum of people on like January 5th or even 30 December-but when... just when will I actually have a birthday where its me...and MY FRIENDS....in Manhattan at a swanky upscale event that isn't $125 dollars to get in....and furthermore...celebrating my birthday first.... MY day-and THEN the new year. Its few and far between....In fact on my 21st birthday some friends of mine were throwing me a little joint collaboration New Year/birthday party for me which was ultra sweet-but it was in New Rochelle, and my mother said I couldn't go...not to mention my car was in bad shape... she then sent me out with my sister and her friends. So-I got in the car- crying on my 21st birthday-on my way to the city-on my way to having the time of my life with my sister and her friends on my 21st birthday-oh and did I mention... I was the most sober one that night? Following up after the other 6 girls that were drunkenly roaming NYC as oblivious "out of towners..." Another set of friends has done the same joint collabo type deal-so as not to seem ungrateful-because I TRULY am thankful, here's my little shoutout-I appreciate you-that really made me feel good.

Ok-Now that QUEENZILLA has expressed her little emotional rant about her bday wishes.... What I really want to know is where does the time go that I can't seem to maintain a healthy relationship with all of the people that I love and care about?...vise versa? I realize I am not the bad guy-but I am just as responsible as the other party... I mean.. have we grown a part? Have I changed? Do I front like my shit don't stink? The main reason for questioning is... who could I really depend on to give me their New Year-and be happy about it...? (Aside from family and my loving boyfriend) Yes, I'm blessed to have these folks in my life-but what I question is... If I'm there on your day- wouldn't you be there on mine? Don't be fooled by this blog-it's bigger than this... my friends-where are you? Let's do lunch... Let's have girl's night out... (No offense to my guy friends :) We can go chill at the bar) really though...What's up?

Make new friends but keep the old???

I guess some folks are meant to be around- despite what we think.... Its funny, even after I thought I had shut the door to former friends and completely adamant about doing so.. they manage to sneak their way back in.. DESPITE the mutual proclamation to NEVER EVER speak again...

It's like a breath of fresh air under a given circumstance that one is able to fall back into the lap of another.. of course the theory here- is everything happens for a reason-and timing is everything. Let's put some interesting thoughts on the table... Certainly-the amount of time that you know someone should not gauge the type of friendship you share-however, in this instance- even after everything is said and done... the amount of time spent building with one another is the defining factor. With all the new friends that come our way... ¿¿¿ who do you call-when what you have to talk about-is just too uncomfortable for any "new" friend to understand.. or completely accept for that matter???

Back in the day when I was young I'm not a kid anymore... Girlscout troop 484- always forced us to sing this song... "Make new friends, but keep the old..one is silver and the other's gold..." (yes I was a girlscout.. and damn proud..sheeeeit.. those cookies are the B O M B! )

Maybe I was just too young to understand the concept of GOLD-after high school and the first two years of college. Coming home was like entering into a completely new dimension. Everything that I had ever known just seemed so much smaller - and the friends I had once held close-seemed much f u r t h e r away. Our common bond faded and our thought processing unit computed unfamiliar equations.

Recent and unfortunate encounters have provided the opportunity to enter into a blast from the past...and sadly to report.. I was less than impressed with some of what I saw with our post grad age group. I was completely secure with me and what I had accomplished at this event. That was a disspointing surprise... Oxymoron? No... I had expected for all of us to stand on the same plateau. It wasn't professional achievement though that dissapointed me... It was the level of personal growth that was lacking. Seven whole years after high school, and certain folks weren't even able to shed a smile... who really holds on to negativity for that long?

RELINQUISH...practicing what I preach... An unrelated rekindle of friendship-happened seemingly out of the blue... a former friend anew, contacted me with the very same issue posed at the beginning of this blog... "Andrea, I couldn't think of anyone else to talk to that would understand what I'm going through..." Honored and understanding, I agreeably met with my counterpart for discussion at a mutual destination. (Starbucks...) Four hours later, the saline was flowing- it was the most natural and nothing conversation- and we were still rapping about... everything that would could think of.. While I admit, I went with no hope or intention-or even desire (sorry girl, if you're reading this..lol) of trying to maintain this friendship.. but her timing... was just impeccable... We both exhaled only to inhale a breath of fresh air... GOLD friends never tarnish... and our friendship was rekindled.

Despite our differences, the ones we understand a little clearer-we recognize that our friendship will never be the same.. and THANK GOD.. because it wasn't healthy. Shining sun beams burn the clouds away... and our purpose of checks and balances in each other's lives seem a lot less foggy... I guess some folks are meant to be around despite what we may think.

Welcome back girl! Really good to see you...

Roll call to all my ladies...

Roll Call to all my ladies...

Upon taking inventory among my lady friends, I've noted my girls are in need of a re-up on sisterhood. I travel deep with the most fabulous, delightful and absolutely gorgeous women... TO BE EXPECTED ;o)

My circle of sisters.. This goes out to you. I love you. You are my friends till the end- Beautiful, Positive, Confident, Creative and Ambitious. DON'T you ever forget these five fabulous traits that make you- YOU and then some! It is 2008 and rejuventation is on the rise- and although some of us don't get to see each other as often as we would like- KNOW- This support system will always be with you- AND if we as friends don't continue to remind one another just how amazing each of us is... we may just lose sight.

Broken hearts... but wounds will heal with time. The bitter taste of stagnation is merely a temporary experience for growth and personal development. I feel this among quite a few of my friends. That amazing glow is looking jaded. This is a reminder to you-to remember you have got it going on my girl... And if forgotten, will be lost in translation. Open up your heart-open up your mind- re-kindle your spirit. Surround yourself with positivity and SCREW the bastards that even challenged you to look harder at yourself-only to mask the flaws and insecurities within him.

Be EMPOWERED to take steps-WITHOUT looking back and wondering about your safety and security. Continue to be true to your words and cancel ties with those who aren't. Ain't no half steppin in my life...for sure.. and the same notion applies to you.

And for love... My girls... Those lost in love, waiting for love and banning love... Let go. Love HARD- You've got LOVE!! You've got friends, you've got family and best of all sisters. For the infamous words of Sommore (Queen of Comedy) "I don't need to find LOVE, I love Jesus, I love my family and I love ME... What I need is respect.. and I LIKE, WHO LIKES ME..." I heard this a little over a month ago and I was floored- So true.. and yet so easy to forget. One day I sat with myself and declared to my orange- " I REFUSE TO WONDER WHY ANYONE.. wouldn't jump at the chance to be with me..." and however cocky that may sound.. I could care less... because I know what I have to offer and so should you my crew... We are single, eligible, educated women on a journey.. and if a man ain't with it... Please escort him to the door..

My girls... You are amazing and this is my promise to you...

Love Always,

Andrea