Week 17: Seeking Clarification

"Communication is the key to success." At some stage in our lives we were taught that there is no such thing as a dumb question.  If its one thing that I've learned in my plight to seek understanding on given topics it's that repeating the same sentence over and over again will not lead to a clearer understanding of an agenda item.  In order to grasp a firmer understanding of a common goal, the end product should be clearly communicated in order to be visualized. Some may agree that when working backwards from the projected outcome it could be the more effective method of moving forward. When working with others this may require a tiny bit of patience but when that wears thin it can be a disaster. 

Truthfully, picking apart a reason why someone may be seeking clarification is unwarranted and unnecessary, especially in the professional realm.  If an individual is reaching out to say, I don't understand or is "x" what you are looking for then a positive way to handle it is to try to understand what the other person is looking to accomplish rather than a dismissal.  Admittedly there are those cases where there is freedom to figure out a project on your own and allow for great creativity to get the job done, however in the instance where there is a specific task with a specific end goal, let's be very clear.  This is where the trouble stems in consistently repeating the same thing over again- it is a waste of time.  Chances are, if the first communication wasn't successful --- saying it again isn't going to do the trick.  When I've been put into this position, I try to come up with different ways to communicate the projected outcome or potential obstacles and I suppose I am guilty of wanting the same.  I have to say that I admire those who work in technical positions where even though each project is unique, the result is the same...such as creating a website. The challenge stems from what the website is to offer in terms of graphics and backgrounds, design layouts and formats--the languages used to create the script, whether it should be run with Java or Flash, is it W3C compliant --does it fit the format of web 2.0? Overall, the end product is to create a website--and if you meet the needs of your client then all is well at the end of the day. This is not to say that this work is any less difficult because it seems like it can be pretty tricky but ultimately the project was given because the creator is capable of achieving this end goal.  I find that its the small projects that are tedious and time consuming and the catalyst of all frustrations, similar to a paper-cut which hurts more than a scrape as an example.  Granted, if the person you are communicating with is your boss, then requesting advice on how to do your job is probably not a good idea --but when working with a colleague I'd say, that's open room for a discussion because working as a team effectively means working together.  This also holds true to friendships, relationships and family communications because your team is the circle you keep in your life.

Week 14: Faith in the Valley

I worked my first and only retail job after completing my bachelor's degree--- I worked for L'Occitane a French bath and body company that had appealed to me since high school.  I decided that if I were going to be successful in life that I was going to have to make myself uncomfortable in order to set the proper tone for the job I really wanted, so I worked at Roosevelt Field Mall.  I turned down a job as a Case Worker in the Bronx, because I knew that everyday I would drive home back to the suburbs of Long Island torn apart from the brokenness I would have encountered every day. One of the policies of the job was that after dark, we were prohibited in certain locations and to be honest, I wasn't entirely sure I wanted a job like that.  I've always been a people person and genuinely enjoy helping others... but realized that your first job out of college may set the tone for the rest of your life-- so I aimed high, stating that I wanted to work for an international organization and desired to make nothing less than x amount of dollars--because why start low?? I'm worth it. Mission accomplished... I have been with this organization for about five years and from previous blogs you may have gathered that I leave work every day feeling unfulfilled because I would've liked to believe that I have outgrown this position and further I have a lot to offer and my strengths and qualities don't apply... clearly it ain't over till the fat lady sings--I'm still there.


For the last three years, during the Lenten time period of reflection, I've
chosen to detox... and this cycle, unlike the rest is different, because I finally own my time. I am finished with graduate school, so hours of homework with deadlines are behind me... class schedules no longer fit into my weekly routine...and past relationships? Well, I'm single.  Due to funding restraints I have decided to visit Long Island, once every other week... which stinks because I love my family and love spending time with them.  Truthfully in this new found time and freedom-- I've given myself the opportunity to actually participate in my life.  I have been ignoring it ---with bills brushed into a basket and unopened letters with important information. Really? I thought at one point I was stuck in a rut, but really... rather than living my life... my life was living me and wearing me out.  It feels good to finally give it the attention it deserves.  During dark times, I would spend my mornings getting ready for work listening to India Arie, my favorite lyricist-- in one of the many songs that I listened to repeatedly was Back to the Middle where she emphasized that when you fall down don't make anything of it because when you are in that valley you can see both sides more clearly... the rut was actually the opportunity to analyze and re-group...but a stagnant period doesn't just go away since no matter what distraction comes to the forefront to take your mind off of personal responsibilities--when the short lived euphoria wears off your problems are still right there where you began.  So solve them... and come back to the middle.

As far as valleys go, Iyanla Vanzant, a spiritual teacher and author of Faith in the Valley: Lessons for Women on the Journey to Peace, wrote something to the effect that: "When your life and affairs are in order you can accept the blessings stored in the hidden places." This isn't a direct quote-- I read the book six years ago...but it has stayed with me this long, therefore there must be some truth to it.  In my clear state I have done just that.  The small step in bringing my life and affairs in order is actually a huge movement on my behalf. I am pulling out every piece of paper that I have and going through it and re-claiming my life. "You can't find a clear head in the midst of chaos..." I come home every day immediately after work and cook dinner... I drink morning coffee before I go to work and spend less than $5.00 on lunch every day, I go to bed at a decent hour every night and drink a lot of tea to soothe my soul...and lots more water too.  I feel good and I'm not bored, but it is a little hard.

As I aim to conquer this chapter and move on to the next, I have more talks with myself and admit that my plans have changed and furthermore that its okay... inspired by a friend's blog.   I am thankful for the lessons learned and embrace them wholeheartedly.  I give life more value today than ever before--- it is only now after being smacked in the face by the rapid speed at which time flies that I can understand that if I don't step up and be present... my gift will be snatched away without notice...and there will be no way to retrieve it.

Week 13: Positively black.

I love my sisters and brothers of the African Disapora. 

I've been afforded the beautiful opportunity to be raised in a community where those who have exceled and achieved have more often than not turned around and encouraged me to have a high standard on life, black history, black achievements and the positive reinforcement of being proud to be me.  Further, the understanding that blackness comes in all different shades and to embrace it wholeheartedly...even further -to unify with my kin to achieve g r e a t n e s s.  These ideals set forth by some 5o + mentors that existed in my community and beyond have stayed with me throughout the course of time.  Many, belonging to the Mother's Club- a group founded 30 years ago, when a band of women came together to dispute the closing of a local elementary school--leading to the lifelong committment to community activism in and around the school disctrict since, "it takes a whole village, to raise a child." Their idea was that the children involved in the community needed to know that whatever direction they faced, there was always someone in their corner.  A beautiful mission and still very much alive today.

When I was little, I can remember taking field trips to the Schomberg Center for Research in Black Culture, a trip to the Apollo Theatre on 125th street in Harlem ending with a meal at Sylvia's ... Going to see The Wiz on broadway, celebrating black history all throughout the year and even learning about Kwanzaa... (Habari Ghani).  Though not limited to these activities, growing up in a place where a network of postive people like this exists was certainly memorable and I'd say not to be taken for granted.  It was like growing up in one big old family. 

Annually, the Mother's Club celebrates women by hosting a women's day luncheon, today marking the 20th anniversary of this event.  The theme-appreciating the past in order to work positively and more effectively toward the future, similar to Sankofa, meaning "go back and take." Our keynote speaker,  Roslyn M. Brock, the current chairperson of the NAACP and might I add the youngest, offered positive messages in conjunction with Risco Mention-Lewis, founder of Love U University---challenging whether you know where you're going to... and not to be afraid to seek to achieve your dreams. I can admit having attended this event 19 out of 20 times, that in the awkward development years, I didn't always want to go but I can firmly say today, that I'm extremely fortunate to have grown up around these women. Of course, over the years, the group has evolved and mother's have moved on there is a new generation, but the mission is still one the same.  To be in this room with these beautiful women annually is inspiring and a privilege and the tally for today was a little over 400 women.

Other memorable moments include, annual picnics, theme parks... my lifelong friends and when I was finishing undergrad, the voicemail I got on my phone from one of the mother's in my darkest moment just called to say how proud she was... I cried--it meant a lot.  Not to seem too cliche, but I will attest that it really does "take a whole village to raise a child."

Confession: 52 Week Project

Making time for yourself can be difficult during the week.  The last few weeks, I haven't been allocating enough time to life and find myself writing blogs in the subway on my cell phone--so, I've got a bunch of excerpts that could be put out today... but why would I do that?  That's not very beneficial to my development. So I admit it... I'm not going to put anything out until I can sit down and finish what I want to say--- the way I want to say it--without having to do it for the sake of this deadline. The 52 week project is for positive reason only.

Week 10: Bumming Around NYC

"Can you please spare some change so I can get something to eat please...?" exclaims a man that stands in the same spot daily,  rather well dressed if I might add and only slightly rough around the edges. As cold as it may sound, every day I pass him and only once looked him in his face.--after the tenth plea for help. You've got to admit that New York is full of some stone cold stunners-- but honestly in this regard I will say freely that I don't want to support this man. Whatever his position in life-- there is no job below him-- therfore as I hustle and bustle to go to my job--- I have to wonder why he doesn't do the same. Sweep a floor-- fix a sink - clean a toilet or sell some coffee. Pan handling should not be rewarded without visible effort. Waking up in the morning and standing at the entrance of the subway isn't enough.

I understand that there are significant trials and tribulations faced when dealing with government programs--- but there are food pantries, churches and other places to go and be fed. Maybe if he said-- can I please have some change so I can pay my rent--- I'm in danger of being evicted-- but to stand there daily and ask for money to eat--- even articulately and sometimes cop an attitude when nobody listens says... I know there are other alternatives but it's easier to just ask you-- so I will stand here and wait patiently till you give it to me. If I gave him $.70 a day he'd have $255 at the end of the year. That's a lot of money. I don't aim to seem as though I don't have a heart or care, but I just don't beleive him and further those commuting within the underground metro can attest that there will be at least two people asking for money on the way to destination x. How is anyone to differentiate between who to donate to versus keep enough change  in pocket to feed ms. Piggy bank later in the day.

Week 9: A Progress Report

The pledge of allegiance to Andrea in big lights is still in the beginning stages but rapidly! It is March 1st!!!!!!!!!! The last month of the first quarter.

For those just now tuning in, I have been challenged to 52 weeks of writing. This means that at least once per week I have to exercise my finger tips doing something I love. I have made a public commitment on pledgehammer.com to hold me accountable for this endeavor. If I do not complete this challenge then I will have to donate $75 to one of the following organizations: ActionAid, PDSA - for pets in need of vets, Torture Care, The World Land Trust, SOS Children's Village in Keila, Estonia --to help those challenged in other ways.

Having the opportunity to share my thoughts has been most rewarding. The highlight of each week. I can hardly work my digits fast enough for all of the ideas formulated in my mind and  I don't plan on walking around with a tape recorder attached to my belt.... I've got to begin documenting these topics and making the time to research and outline what I would like to say.  

Other updates from previous blog entries include, the Be Fly in July Weight Watchers Challenge. F A I L. I never joined weight watchers, although I have successfully started eating healthier, cooking my own food and shed about 5 pounds, so even though I didn't fill the hands of Valerie Bertinelli or Jennifer Hudson these days, I saved a bunch of cash for me to do other things. Like... pay taxes and debt and crap like that. I'm schiffzing.

Anyway- cheers :)

Week 8: To Hold Nothing Back

Breathe in...

Hold it in for three seconds...

Breathe out...

In the moment of exhale, I have proclaimed that "I will not hesitate to be," Making reference to the day's passage in the The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo.   At 12:43 AM this morning, my friend through life asked if I read the passage for 23 February. I hadn't at that stage, naturally because I was fast asleep and happily, since the night before I did not have much of it. 

I am touched by this passage in a book that initially, I wrote off as too preachy and didn't want much to do with.  Here's the quote that stuck out the most:

 "I have discovered, again and again, that I usually know what I need to do but just deny it, and it is this small hesitation, this small resistance to enter what is real, that makes life feel neutral or out of reach."

The emotions involved directly relate to the previous blog post-- Press Esc Key on this Endless Loop, reminding me of the movie Groundhog's Day. And so I blink my eyes, and the days accelerate --- and pass me by as the clouds in the sky, the reality is that its the same day repeating itself... over and over...and over again.

It is not enough to simply manage daily life-- but rather take full action and implement all that you want to see. Today. Not tomorrow or the day after. I definitely live in denial.   I SAID IT!  I was going through some very important paperwork recently, that I received in August.  Stunned, I muttered to myself that it was a shame, that I was just now beginning to deal with it.  Seven months?  Talk about avoidance---and I refuse to go into further details about the other areas that exist on this list. One of my favorite people has a personal mantra to "live life." Simply put, but powerful and we've become great friends because of it.

"To be or not to be, that is the question." --- Obviously.

I am a 28 year old woman with a lot of goals and many desires and no real plan of action... There's a plan... but its not in the stages of implementation.  Its as if I am sitting here waiting for life to happen--and all that happens is a disappearing act.  Did somebody call Houdini? Maybe I need to call Terry McMillan over for some chocolate martinis so we can chat about what comes next.  She won't be able to write it, but I will-- perhaps I will stop making lists, because they are growing more ineffective by the day. I'm so busy waiting to exhale that my face has changed to the hue of blue.  Today, I've come up for air and have been inspired to hold nothing back as "it is the invisible hitch that keeps me from joy."

Thanks to the person who shared this book with me. :)